Sickipedia

Boris Johnson is walking out of his latest bollocking for being a lying bastard, when he sees a lamp. He gives it a rub & out pops a genie "Behold. I grant you 3 wishes" - says the genie, before thinking to himself - "hmmm it's that fat lying old cunt, I'd best do the opposite of what he says" "Ah fabodozo. Nautilus maximus" - says Boris - "For my first wish I want total neo-liberal control of the state & zero tax for every non-dom billionaire" So as he promised to himself, the genie does the opposite. He immediately transforms Britain into a socially-democratic society with fair wealth distribution "Oh dear shamus saddus" - says Bojo - "I'll give it another try. Genie please make me Prime Minister again with absolute rule & no opposition so I can at least sort this mess out. And maybe give me a bit of a makeover too?" So once again the genie is true to his word. He transforns Johnson into a tramp, destitute with a face now resembling a dribbly old dick with public lice Finally twigging, Boris tries reverse psychology on the genie "I see it's like that is it? Craftium Twattus. Tell you what then. Make it so that everyone is healthy & happy, & that our future children be safe from greed, stupidity & corruption" So the genie chops his bollocks off