Sickipedia

So there I was on my postal round today. It was a nice day and there were some nice looking women in bikinis and shorts so I wasn’t paying much attention when a cat ran out on me. I tried to miss it but hit it. I stopped the van and got out and looked behind me. There on the grass was a cat unconscious and breathing very slowly. I didn’t want it to suffer, so I took out the shovel we keep for snowy days and hit it a few times to finish it off. I was running late and didn’t want the owner to find it like this, so I put it in a mail sack and put it in the back of my van, and carried on, as I would give it a decent burial later. Anyway, I get back to the depot and the police are waiting for me. ‘We have had a complaint’ the sergeant said. ‘A little old lady has contacted us to say that her cat was asleep on the grass. Suddenly a post van came round the corner, skidded all over the road and came to a stop. The Postman got out, beat her cat to death with a shovel, put it in a mail sack and drove off. And we have traced this to being you!’ Before I could say anything another copper came in. ‘Looks like he’s a bad one Sarge. We found a dead cat in a sack in the boot, and another one stuck behind the front wheel.’