Sickipedia

I made the wife a slap-up meal last night I ate it then gave her an uppercut

I once gave my wife a black eye, and then she shouted for awhile after that because people noticed her shiner just on one side. So I hit her in the other, so she could look like a Giant Panda.

I got home from the pub pissed as a fart, "Have you been on that fucking Stella again? " she yelled at me. "Yeah, what the fuck of it, " I answered back, then she took her teeth out, "You can fuck off, " she said, "these fuckers cost £850, you're not breaking your fists on these. "

What's the difference between an apple and a baby? With an apple you can just cut off all the bruises.

It's fucking hot out there I'm sweating more than Stan Collymore's Mrs

The wife and I were competing as a couple on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire 22 years ago and it was going so badly initially because my wife is so fucking stupid that Chris Tarrant said, "You risk leaving here with nothing." "No, the missus will be leaving here with a black eye."

Last night my ugly greasy wife "stood up to me" and told me she'd be refusing me all sex until I dropped supporting Trump and all the "Far Right shite" I love ! Let me just tell you, we haven't seen a bald bitch been up this badly by a man since GI Jane back in 1996

'Ow! Ow! Ooooowwwww! I can feel the baby kicking!' said my pregnant wife. Good lad. He's going to be a chip off the old block all right.

I like my women how I like my coffee… Ground up and in the freezer

My wife refused me sex because she was so absurdly angry about it that Trump won again. Ultimately, Kamela Harris wasn't the only woman to get beaten badly that night.