Sickipedia

Quarantine day 14 of 90 I was wondering if anyone was interested in starting a pub quiz on here, just to while away some of the long lonely hours. Assuming there are any takers, I will pose the first question and don’t everyone answer at once. Q1 Whose round is it ?

"I'm proud of you for going to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last night," said my wife. "Ah," I thought, "so that's where I fucking was."

Wish people would realise how dangerous it is to use your mobile whilst driving.. Some idiot who was busy texting this morning had no idea i was coming towards them.. With that i had to slam my breaks! Not only did i strain my neck but i spilt my pint all over my legs and ruined my new Laptop!

I had been at the pub till midnight. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I got undressed, switched off the lights and started to sneak up. "What the fuck are you doing?" asked the bus driver.

What is the difference between a pint of carling and a clitoris? A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.

It's been announced that Pfizer are manufacturing Viagra in liquid form and that it's going to be marketed by Jack Daniels. This means that when you come home from a hard day's work, you can pour yourself a stiff one.

Thank fuck my shift is finished in the Off Licence. We've just had the storm before the calm.

Money saving tip of the day. Go to Wetherspoons, drink their 99p a pint all day. It's cheaper than having your central heating on.

I just love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. Credit Keith Floyd

I have to down at least half a bottle of a potentially madness inducing spirit before I can tell my missus that I love her. Mind you, they do say that Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. Taxi for Ramsbottom!