Sickipedia

Homer Simpson gets home from the nuclear power plant one night and finds a massive skidmark laced around the bowl of the Evergreen Terrace shitter " For fuck's sake Marge ! " , he shouts , "Have you had a poo today ? " " Yes Homey " , she shouts back , " Up the arse by the Kiwk-e-Mart bins ! "

Dear moderators, Kindly remove my wife from my timeline Thanks

A strange thought has been pestering me all day Do comedians die laughing ?

A guy walks into a bar and sits beside another guy and immediately notices he has a giant cigarette lighter. The first guy says "Wow! That's a huge lighter! Where'd you get it?" The other guy replies, "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish." "Cool! Can I try it?" "Sure." The first guy rubs the bottle and a genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie. The guy replies excitedly, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted." And the genie disappears. A few minutes pass and then suddenly the bar door swings open and in pour ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks fall over each other and fill up the bar. "I can't believe this!" says the guy who just made his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy responds, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

Do you think the Jew that got the Id tattoo '007' during the Holocaust felt kinda cool for a while?

I wonder if Luke Littler would hit you in the face every time with a snowball

When he was Southampton FC manager, one of the biggest complaints against Russell Martin was he bought all his mates to play for Southampton. With their new manger, Will Still, The Saints have made sure that doesn't happen again. Because Will Still is Ginger. And Ginger people have no friends

80s singer, musician and actor Leee John, is using his imagination to relaunch his career - as a magician. He'll be on stage late though you're Looking at Midnight Nod to Chum

I love putting on underwear, fresh and warm, out of the dryer and then look around the laundromat to see who it belongs to.

Had an ice cream van come around the other day, the bloke serving was dressed as a Viking, I asked for 2 cornets and a 99, he said he could only do tubs. It was lvar the Coneless