Sickipedia

I wonder if ugly people make a pretty face when they orgasm?

I tried some of my wife's 'firming anti-wrinkle' cream last night. I thought, if it can sort her ugly mush out, my bollocks should be no problem.

They say that women are like buses. You wait ages for one then three turn up at once. Well I don't know about three turning up. But the one I dated certainly resembled the back end of a bus (Nod to Chum, when he unblocks me)

Pretend you're Captain James T Kirk by dating Susan Boyle and going where no man has gone before.

Labour Conference: Jeremy Corbyn: "Labour do not want to see anyone sleeping rough in Britain." Corbyn didn't mind sleeping with the rough when he bedded Abbott,

Arranging to meet my blind date this weekend, I described myself and then asked how I might recognise her. "You can't miss me," she replied. "I'll be wearing a poppy."

Now that I'm in my forties, I have to face the fact that sixteen-year-old girls just don't want to have sex with me. For me it's just like being sixteen again.

If anyone wants it, I have a sack that would just fit over someone’s head that could be used for Greta Thunberg if you don’t want to see her face as she shouts “ you’ve just stolen my hymen”

Jess Phillips and Beth Tweddle walk into a bar .... looking for their sister Cinderella.

Me took to back scuttling Diane Abbott the other day . Me try and mount her from behind but she no stay still and too wriggly. Me have an idea, me been doing a bit of DIY in the bathroom so me get me tool bag and get two big plungers and splat them on her back .. Then me ride her all over the house like a giant black space hopper.