Sickipedia

I use three in one oil instead of KY gel when having sex with the wife. It stops the whining noise from her mouth, it stops her minge creaking, and it clears the shit from the rusty starfish.

Marriage is like prison but with less sex.

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. I was the third man I married Margaret from Rochdale. I ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and I could see out of my left eye and my arm was healed enough so that I could fix myself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. I still have some difficulty when go for a piss though. Credit to original author.

I gave my wife a pair of odour eaters and she was quite offended, "Are you saying my feet smell?" She asked. "Not at all, " I replied, "they're for your knickers."

Just replaced my wife with a beautiful sex doll. It's fucking useless. That won't do the dishes either.

Fuck you Trump you fucking home wrecker, now when the wife has a headache at bedtime I used to get her two paracetamol and get the occasional shag. Not now you orange cunt. Release the fucking files.

According to a new study, couples who have a sex schedule are more likely to stay together. Even better news – my wife penciled me in for late December.....

Women are great, they will quite happily give you food which is a bit out of date saying it is ok, but you try telling them there is nothing wrong with their old clothes.

Wife finds a pair of women's panties in the laundry that aren't hers. She confronts husband: "Whose are these?!" Husband: "They're yours. I bought them for you as a surprise." Wife: "Really? Then why do they say, 'Chad's Bitch' on the waistband?" Husband: "…Because Chad helped pick them out. Team effort."

Two guys are leaving work when one says: "The first thing I'm going to do when I get home is rip my wife's panties off." "You're that horny?" "No, the elastic is killing me."