Sickipedia

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left with the hope that she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed over to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family returned to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. “So ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” “It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”

The Sweet once sang ♪ You can't put willy where willy won't go ♪. Well I've just watched 'Anal Whores And The Vegetable Garden' and I can only assume Mr Connelly and co had lead very sheltered lives.

I finally watched that movie Brokeback Mountain. Some of the dialogue was pretty good. 'Yippie KY, motherfucker...'

I don't think there was ever any concern Prince William would've kissed any of the England players on the lips They were probably more worried about him sticking the trophy up his arse

My gay son says he's finally going in for a sex-change done on the NHS this year. "I don't actually want to be a girl; I just need a tight new hole, as my destroyed anus is now always hanging open like the mouth of a tired dog."

I was reading an article about 'chemsex' in the gay community. Apparently, smoking crack is quite popular in those circles. You'd think those fellas would know about lube.

If you ever walk into a gay bar by mistake, take care not to exclaim 'Fuck me!'

The local sex shop sent me a marketing email earlier saying I could have 50% off a dildo I appreciate the thought, but how would that go all the way up my arse ??

I shoved a camera up my arse for a laugh, now I've got Polaroids

What's the best way to brown meat? Prison.