Sickipedia

I was discussing my mortgage application with the bank manager. In the Health Condition Declarations section he asked me, 'Have you ever been sectioned under the Mental Health Act?' I replied, 'I haven't, but Tony has.' He said, 'Who's Tony?' I said, 'Tony is the one who takes over when I go to sleep. He's strangled a bunch of prozzies for Jesus.'

I read that the only people who are capable of drawing a perfect circle by freehand are mentally deranged. I haven't slept for over a week now for trying to do this, and I still haven't managed it. Oh well, at least I know I'm not a nutter.

"Would 14 year old you be proud of you?" Listen, I'm not here to impress a mentally ill child.

I think I need to see a psychiatrist. I'm ambivalent towards Marmite.

I played poker with a mental patient once... ...but then realised he wasn't playing with a full deck...

The number of sickipedia profiles someone has is reflective of the number of split personalities they have. Report that you cunt.

How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?

Unfortunately this years charity Pantomime for the local Paranoid Schizophrenic Society has been cancelled. During the first performance proceedings descended into chaos when somebody shouted, 'He's behind you.......'

The good thing about being a schizophrenic is that you always have several opinions of how to murder people.

" Doctor , there's a patient in the waiting room says he's Napoleon " " Another one for the loony bin ? " " Maybe , but this one's wearing a very expensive hat "