Sickipedia

I hate being bi-polar it's quality

Hyde in manchester is to be twinned with the town of jekyll georgia u.s.a

My mate Dave died doing what he loved best. Waving a metal rod on a rooftop during a thunderstorm shouting FUCK YOU GOD

So I sat down in the barbers chair , he said "what will it be sir ?" I said "I'm a moth " he said "what !" I replied "yes I am a moth , I think like a moth, I act like a moth , I am a moth." He said "psychiatrists is next door mate ". I said "I know but your light was on "

I rang the mental health hot line today. The recording said for - schizophrenia press 1and 2 for paranoia don't press any buttons, we are already coming to get you for multiple personality disorder press 3, 4 ,5 6 .7 ,8 9

A Senior doctor was inspecting a mental asylum. Upon inspection everything seemed above board. He then spotted a great big wall in the recreation area , with a patient working on it. He asks the patient "did you build this wall?" Yes replies the patient. Well this is outstanding craftsmanship " how long did this take you? 13 years he replies. The doctor in awe of his work, tells the patient he shouldn't be in the asylum, you are clearly a sane and able man and I will go too see the governor and tell him to release you straight away. Thank you says the patient . As the inspector walks off , the patient hurls a brick into the back of the inspectors head . The inspector bloodied and dazed turns around and the patient shouts "Dont forget to tell him will ya"

I used to be a Schizophrenic. And so did I.

Unfortunately this years charity Pantomime for the local Paranoid Schizophrenic Society has been cancelled. During the first performance proceedings descended into chaos when somebody shouted, 'He's behind you.......'

A homeless man was wrongly arrested for a crime committed by someone else and locked up in a mental hospital for more than two years. The problem began when he told them he was Paranoid schizophrenia, and Doctors did not know which one they were speaking to...

Just wondering . . . how do schizophrenics self-isolate?