Sickipedia

‘Man dies after getting trapped upside down on 290ft chimney for 15 hours’ Quickest flue-related death this year.

The wife was in the kitchen the other morning cooking me bacon & eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor & not breathing. I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do. Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an all-day breakfast for just £3.99

If you're ever attacked by a bear, simply lie down and play dead. It's good practice for what's coming next.

Front page of BBC News - Man who drowned at beach was amazing, says family. Clearly not at swimming he wasn't.

" Piccadilly Theatre ceiling collapse during Death of a Salesman" Nobody was hurt , but Salesman says he is lucky to be alive.

Fenwick’s are suing the mother of the dead boy for him breaking a mirror in their store. “It’s nothing personal”, claim Fenwick, “It’s just the start of a run of bad luck for her that should be over by 2028”.

A man walks up to the Widow at a funeral and asks if he can say a word. "Of course", she replies. The man plucks up the courage and says, "Bargain". The Widow looks at him, teary eyed and says, "Thank you so much, that means a great deal".

12 boat people dead in channel.. DWP confirm this will not affect their benefit payments.

They say that time is a great healer. Which would explain why doctor's surgeries make you wait 3 bastard weeks for an appointment.

Dave Grohl was in Nirvana, and their lead singer snuffed it. Dave Grohl was in the Foo Fighters, and their drummer snuffed it. I'm just wondering if Coldplay could use a new member.