Sickipedia

So I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant “What gets rid of coronavirus?” She said "Ammonia cleaner." I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

I’ve just seen Chris Rea doing a u-turn on the M25.

Making up up just 10% of the nominations, black people accounted for 100% of the violence at The Oscars...

All these people saying "I didn't like Maradona as a person but what a player RIP". Fuck me that's like saying "Peter Sutcliffe, evil murdering cunt but what a lorry driver RIP."

Blimey, seems one of our neighbours was taken to hospital in the night with suspected Covid-19. I hear he’s been put on one of the new Dyson ventilators and is now picking up nicely...

Beiruit explosion just shows how badly covid affecting the world Even the terrorists are working from home

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes Me: I wish for a world without lawyers Genie: Done, you have no more wishes Me: But you said 3 Genie: Sue me.

Boris is to Introduce a rule saying you can get together with Ten people. I don't know Ten people that I even like.

Apparently over 70% of people evacuated from Afghanistan were men, they would have taken more women but they didn’t get ready in time.

Got some fuel earlier and the bloke on pump 3 put £10 in. Where the fuck is he driving to? Pump 4?