Sickipedia

A woman buys a wall mirror from B&Q. The attendant says "Would you like a screw for that?" She replies "No, but I"d suck your cock for a Lawnmower!"

Please please please tell me Markrees1981 has fucked off

Oh, what a shite! Chilli doner and a pint or three, Brewing away overnight in me, Morning after, what a shite! Oh, what a shite! Hit the khazi first thing the next day, Pebbledashed the porcelain shunky, My poor ringpiece, what a shite! Oh, I, I got a funny feelin' when I tried to fart, And my, as I recall I was lucky not to shart, Oh, what a shite! Got through half a 4-pack of bogroll, Tryin' to decontaminate my hole, Stank the house out, what a shite! I felt a rush like a rollin' ball of thunder, When the ming hit my nostrils I thought I'd fucking chunder, Oh, what a shite! Woke the wife up splattering the bog, Nothing coming out looked like a log, Fizzy gravy, what a shite! etc

The missus burnt her mouth really badly earlier but I'm guessing from now on she'll remember the difference between magma and smegma!

There once was a guy called Dave, Who dug a prostitute out of her grave. She smelled a bit shit, and was missing a tit, but think of the money he saved. Source: the best of the dregs from some crap Facebook group

Fucking brilliant! That's me sorted! A cuppa tea Log into sickipedia And I've just farted and it's a beauty. PERFECT

"Are you putting the Christmas tree up? Lights as well? "Yes, " replied Sticky Vicky. If you know, you know.

ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM ADMIN Right that's it KIMJONGTRUMP you are FUCKING banned from the new site you useless wannabe joker 1. NO you can't fart and light it, it's a FUCKING hazard coming from your fat hole 2. NO you can't be number 1, you are 2 3. NO you can't use yours and funnimans VPN 4. You can't rename the site 'Uncle Kim's fart party' 5. You can't sniff funnimans ass every time he farts either YOURS Admin

KIMJONGTRUMP: I need to fart. Funniman: fucksake don't, remember the last time I had to change you after it. KIMJONGTRUMP: Fuck it, I can't hold it anymore. Funniman: Hold on, can't find my fucking lighter. KIMJONGTRUMP: Wait I need to hide the ip addresses because this on with blow the roof off

My wife won't let me rim her unless she's really really drunk. She doesn't like me getting shitfaced on my own