Sickipedia

Boris Johnson gives his father Stanley BEAVERS as an 80th birthday present.....like Father like son....cunt crazy!

A bloke is rushed to A&E with a Morphy Richards steam iron up his backside, "Good grief, " said the doctor, "I thought I'd seen it all, how on Earth did you manage that?" "Well, " said the bloke, "it happened just after my wife opened her birthday present. "

Avoid very long queues by visiting a local cemetery and become emotionally sentimental about someone you never knew.

For the last twenty years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer. So I was upset when I didn't get one this year. First my gran dies, now this?

That awkward moment as a child..when you had to pretend to read your Birthday card after the money had fallen out!!

So I said to the Doctor "My anxiety attacks seem to be most prevelant when I'm driving on the M5" "Would they be most intense around junctions 11, 11a and 12?" the Doctor asked "Yes I think your right Dr" I replied "What do you think it is?" With a worried look the doctor said "I'm afraid you may well be Gloucesterphobic!"

Happy birthday Kate Bush! And congratulations on self-isolating since March, 1978.

I haven't seen any outrage that mothers day is only 23 hours long this year. Feminists have really dropped the ball on this one.

As a kid my mum used to have my birthday parties in the local laundrette. We had to play pass the persil.

Fuck I hope megan and harry name the baby Louie . One oobee doo day he could grow up to be truly the king of the swingers