Sickipedia

Whoever said "treat em mean, keep em keen" was a fucking liar! I brutally raped my girlfriend yesterday and now she won't return my calls 😒

Ben Ofoedu was confiding to his father how much he stilled loved his ex girlfriend Vanessa Feltz, and couldn't get over her, "Don't worry son, " said his dad, " you'll soon get over her when you find another woman, there are plenty more whales in the sea. "

My girlfriend has gone missing. To be honest she never actually existed

A girl comes across a drunken scotsman lying in a ditch.The scotsman is fast asleep and the girl decides to take a peek up his kilt to see if the stories are true.She looks,and discovers the stories really are true and that the scotsman is hauling a whopper.As a joke,she takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it round the scotsmans todger.A few hours later,the scotsman wakes up with a hangover and a full bladder.He hitches up his kilt to have a piss and is surprised to see a blue ribbon tied around his dick."Well laddie,"he says."I don"t know where you"ve been,but i"m mightily pleased to see you won first prize.

As my ex walked out, she said: "I'm leaving, you'll never see this body naked again." "Ok. I'll bare it in mind" I replied.

I used to believe in things like Fate and Destiny. Then I realised those are just stripper names.

I was driving and saw my ex walking along the road. It's funny how "I'd hit that" has changed meaning over the years.

I'm very pleased to know my ex will wake up in the last place she will ever be: in a sensory deprivation chamber.

My girlfriend told everyone about my small cock. She said "I can't help it, I'm talkative because I'm a Gemini." I said "Well now I'm going to kill you because I'm a Cancer."

My 14-year-old daughter have started to annoy me so I told her she was adopted and her real name is Madeleine McCann Then she asked my wife who Madeleine McCann was. Now she is screaming in her bedroom saying she wants her real family back. My wife now seems angry with me.