Sickipedia

Due to Covid there are new rules at Gyms. You can no longer join and then just not turn up. You have to book a slot to avoid overcrowding and then not turn up to that. (Nod to Private Eye)

Paper tissue industry very happy with yesterday’s sales. A spokesperson said “we can’t believe how many boxes we sold. Everyone must be in tears of joy following the Raducanu victory”.

'Emma Raducanu takes second set despite struggling with a blister' I wonder which one; left or right?

Just saw a joke uploaded about Conor McGregor. I was extremely disappointed that it wasn't in the celebrity deaths category.

Dyke, dyke, were ever you may be. You hit every branch on the ugly tree. Beth jordache, Keenan scumbagski Your proper dykes and proper ugerly

Whats the difference between Bjorn Borg and Michael Watson? ..........Ones a swede and ones a cabbage..

I see Gilbert Gottfried will be sitting on the NFL highlight show next season. So that will be 3 dickheads on sofa instead of 2.

If you think about it, a swimming pool is just a giant public bidet.

Emma Raducanu is doing well in the tennis - watching her every move. All this tennis don't half make the wrist hurt though.

I’m going to open a new gym called “Resolutions” It will have gym equipment for the first 2 weeks and then I’m going to turn it in to a bar for the rest of the year.