Sickipedia

When Chuck Norris goes to IKEA his furniture is already assembled

Yesterday's conversation. Hey Matthew Perry how's it going? Ah good I just bought Whitney Houston mansion and all it's furnishings for $10m, even the bath lol. Don't use the bath, you know she died in it? It could be cursed. Haha what's the worst that could happen?

How did Sir Alex's wife pass? Wayne Ronney rogered her to death.

Postmortem, Postmortem, Postmortem.

Can you tell what it is yet? It’s Hell...

Celebrities including Selma Blair Aaron Paul and Paris Hilton have sent messages of support to Bruce Willis Well thats a waste of fucking time!

"If you had a pound," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another pound and fifty pence, how much money would you have?" "One pound." answered little Johnny. His teacher said "Blimey Johnny, You don't know your basic maths." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Johnny said, "I fucking do Miss. Just my dad's a right tight bastard!"

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend Miss."

One day, the teacher asked her class, 'What vegetable makes you cry?' Little Johnny replies "a turnip Miss". "No Johnny' says the teacher, "Onions make you cry, not turnips." "No Miss", says Johnny, "Obviously you have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?"

Ah well, I suppose that's Kelly Holmes off my 'to do' list.