Sickipedia

So me and my wife have just had a baby and all we have done is argue about what to call it. She wants it to be named after her mother, but I just don't feel comfortable having a child called Cunt.

My Mrs had a ring pierced into one of her nipples last week. She couldn't understand why she kept tripping over until I pointed out she was catching her big toe in it.

I've just sat down in the restaurant with my wife and ordered the hippo soup. Not sure what I'm gonna have yet.

A fella comes home from work and says to the Mrs, look love, we both know we're getting a bit bored in the bedroom and I mentioned it to Angelo at work and he told me about lots of different positions we could try, so the wife agrees as she's as urgent to get things going again,..so what's the first position she says...well I like the sound of the "wheel barrow"....I come from behind you lift your legs round my waste and fuck you while moving you around...ok she says...So they get to it...after 45 minutes they are both shagged right out, lying there getting they're breath,..the bloke says.."Did you enjoy that then?".,.She says "Oh yeah, loved every minute, except when we went past my mums house!!

The wife has told me I’ve got shit for Brains. That’s the last time I allow her to sell any of my Thunderbirds collectables on eBay.

After years of taking the piss out of my anorexic wife. She finally snapped

My wife said "You'll never guess who I seen in town?" "Ok then" I said, "I'll carry on watching the football".

The misses has done nothing but stare through the fucking window since it started snowing... ...if it gets any heavier I might have to let her in!

Me. "I want to divorce my wife." Lawyer. "On what grounds?" Me. "She's out all night, every night, going from bar to bar." Lawyer. "Is she an alcoholic or do you think she might be cheating?" Me. "No, she's looking for me."

My obsession with Two-tone music is starting to affect my marriage and now the wife isn't talking to me. You could say she's sent me to Coventry.