Sickipedia

My large wife claimed she was sick at a hot-air-balloon event, and wouldn't go in the dirigible she paid an expensive ticket for. "This blimp won't go up," I sighed.

You'd have to be daft or insane to open an all-you-can-eat anything in America.

Some little kid behind my wife in the queue asked her, "Are you The Hulk ?" I said, "You're on point about her size, but it's probably just chlorosis from vitamin-deficiency that's made her skin turn green."

My wife's thinking of giving up being an Adele impersonator, because she's now too fat to tour. "Shoud I give up, or should I just keep cracking pavements ?"

I had long wank over Gemma Collins 52 metres, just over the 18th roll of flab And a new World Record

I had a Japanese once tell me that "Sumo is his country's national sport" You should have seen the look of horror on his face when I told him the Americans are starting to get into the game.

Welp it's Friday. Time for all you recently divorced mums to wash your spandex leggings ready to wear in the supermarket tomorrow morning, showcase your FUCKING ENORMOUS thighs, make us all sick and give your children lifelong mental scars.

The doctor couldn't understand why nothing he was doing was controlling my horrendously obese wife's raving appetite. "Because you're not regulating her hippothalamus well enough," I laughed.

What's the difference between the Great Wall of China and Gemma Collins? You can actually see Gemma from space

Gemma Collins had a miscarriage. Then she asked for seconds.