Sickipedia

Loads of non binary people have gone prospecting. They've heard that there's gold in them/their hills.

I only trust one thing in the newspaper these days: Fish & Chips. And even that I take with a big pinch of salt.

Micheal Stipe was shown photographs of him having sex with a gay medical examiner, "Yeah, " he said, "that's me in the coroner. "

I went to school with a kid called Warren Butler Such a sweet lad. Took unbelievably good care of his pet rabbits

Several dead in gun rampage at Catholic school in Minneapolis. A mass shooting?

I asked Emily Blunt out on a date. She said 'No, fuck off you ugly cunt.'

Morning Wood. ----------------- So when you're old and knackered and getting on a bit And things things don't work quite as well So imagine the delight this morning when I awoke When my man thing had a very large swell "Quick, I said," have a look at this I said to my missus with a smile She grinned with a glint in her eye and said "Well yes, it has been quite a while" So we heaved and we grunted and gave it a go And it all came flooding back When bugger me my back creaked and did pop And my mind went completely off track Well she started to laugh at the state I was in And decided she would get on top It'd been many a year and she wasn't quite slim When my knee did twist and lock Well she grunted and heaved as her body did weave While I was pinned to the bed like a rock I heard a long lost cry of, "Oh God Oh my" As she jumped up and down on my cock She finished the deed with a glow on her face As I lay there not quite yet done "OK" she said, "it's hand and knees "Now it's your turn for some fun" Now my knee wouldn't play as I tried to get up And I'd forgotten I wasn't twenty one I fell on the floor and banged my head on the door She couldn't stop laughing at what I'd done Now I thought to myself with out any doubt Should I awake with an erection again I'm not saying nowt, and I'll give it a clout Just like I should've done then.

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A dyslexic bloke wanks into a bra...

I hate standing in line. I wish the woman in front of me would hurry up and pick a fucking suspect.