Sickipedia

I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out.. "What have you got there?" "Hummus", I replied.

With my Ukrainian refugees arriving tomorrow, I decided to get some shopping in. I bought two cases of Chianti and twelve tins of Fava Beans.

One of the things I hated about my wife was the smell of her cooking. But after all her hair singed off she actually tasted pretty good.

Food is so expensive these days. You try and find ways around like eating roadkill but then you get all the judgement like people saying “it’s so unhygienic” and “ew, stop that you cannibal”.

Terminally ill? Recently bereaved? Can no longer afford cremation due to rocketing gas prices? Let the Soylent Corporation provide a green, economical, dignified disposal of your loved one's remains. Special Offer: free catering for the wake* *No vegetarian or vegan options

I'm off on an expedition to find a cannibal tribe. I'm sure I'll be safe though. I'm bringing my friend Stew and his wife Peaches.

Within three days of death, the enzymes that once digested your food begin to eat you.

We raised our glasses and toasted the bride and groom ... They screamed in agony with the heat of the fire ...but they tasted quite nice. What a bit of luck those honeymooners wandering into our pygmy village like that..

Mrs GenghisIV promised that she would leave her teeth out when she gives you all a BJ tomorrow night. That's very considerate of her, no bell ends getting teeth marks or cuts leaving you open to infection.

Scotland. The only place in the world where a battered woman can be both a victim of domestic violence and a meal for a family of four.