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Tottenham midfielder Brennan Johnson has started dating porn star Lily Philips, who until recently held the world record for sleeping with the most blokes in a 24 hour period. One can only imagine the deep sense of shame her parents must have felt when they found out she was dating a Spurs player.

Paris Hilton has lost her home in the LA fires. Firemen did everything they could to save her extensive home video collection

I went on pornhub for a wank today and ended up spunking on my driving licence.

Who knew getting a VPN could be so educational, I've had that many wanks the last few days I'm nearly fluent in french

A record 1000 men arrived at the south coast today. The coast guard weren't sure if it was another wave of illegals or a Bonnie Blue reunion do.

Imagine my dissapointment when I settled down to watch A Thousand Blows on Disney + only to discover it wasn't about Bonnie Blue's latest world record attempt.

Psychologists have found that going to sleep early may help ward off mental illness. In other words, if you stayed up late to find a non ID porn site you’re insane....

RIP Xhamster. it was fun coming to your site while it lasted

I must be getting old, I was watching a porn movie yesterday and thought, "that bed looks comfortable". *Credit to the great Jimmy Carr

The Porn websites will not be accessible at night due to maintenance. And it will also not be accessible during the day due to "ID Checks..."