Sickipedia

Did you see the Scotsman who collapsed in the Commonwealth Games marathon? Apparently, it was the moment he realised all his loose change had fallen through a hole in his back pocket.

Two time ex British Wimbledon champion Andy Murray has pulled out of this years tournament to allow hip surgery time to repair. Useless Scottish cunt.

The Jocks are a strange lot. They put the price of booze up by 50% then start giving fuck jam rags away at food banks. The sooner that tectonic plate under the footings of Hadrians wall shifts and sends them out into The fucking Atlantic the fucking better. Away Tae Fuck.

Uncle jona . You think your Scottish mate is tight ? Mine wakes up in the middle of the night to make sure he hasn't lost any sleep

My Scottish mate is so tight that he got himself tasered by the police to try and charge his fuckin' iPhone.

Apparently Glasgow is the murder capital of Europe, while simultaneously the friendliest city in Europe. How do they work that one out? Is it when a Glaswegian stabs you, they give you directions to the hospital?

England the fourth best football team in the world. Scotland the fourth best football team in the UK.

Glasgow and Las Vegas The only two places in the world you can pay for sex with chips

Two scots Archie & Jimmy, are discussing Jimmy's wedding. "Och, it's all goin' brilliant," says Jimmy. "A've got everythin' sorted, the fluers, church, cuars, reception, rings, meenister, even ma stag night". Archie nods approvingly. "I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy. "A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "You'll look smairt. Whit's the tartan?" "Och," says Jimmy, "she'll be in white!"

I'll have a bash at luring Leemack back Minty. A Scotsman was up in court accused of shagging a cat. The Magistrate let him off because in forty years of being on the bench, he'd never heard of a Scotsman putting anything in a kitty.