Sickipedia

My girlfriend: The vacuum won't suck anymore! Me: Frustrating, ain't it?

What does a narcissist says after receiving a blowjob? I was great, wasn't I?

Angela Rayner is excited to take up her new job checking if my cock tastes different on an hourly basis

I took a girl out the other night. She ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu. I thought, you money-grabbing bitch. I said, “Does your mother feed you like that at home?” She said, “No, but my mum’s not expecting a blowjob later.” I said, “Good point. Enjoy your meal.”

The missus wants me to give up fags. She said she can't stand the smell of cocks on my breath in the morning.

Leper says to his missus "Fancy giving me a blow job"? "Ok"! 30 seconds later "Can you put it in my mouth....not the hole where my nose used to be"!

Donald Trump pardons Thanksgiving turkeys Gobble and Waddle. Well, he does kinda Waddle. And he apparently gave Bill Clinton a Gobble.

My son has just come out as gay. He's a big fan of sucking cock. I'm telling you he doesn't get that from me and he certainly doesn't get that from his mother.

I woke my girlfriend in the middle of the night and told her I was stressed and that only a blowjob would help... She said, “Where are you going to find a cock to suck at three o’clock in the morning?