Sickipedia

Me and the wife had a row over breakfast. I won. A full English will always beat a fucking yoghurt.

I'm playing strip poker with my wife and deliberately losing.

I told the wife the place was a mess and to start dusting. I didn't mean inside her knickers but I guess it's a start.

Just nicknamed the missus wasp ... She's always in me face and ready to kick off (I'm sure they have been on steds this summer)

My wife has SAD. It's not in her mind. It's her body and face.

I could hear my wife doing a really loud Cher impersonation in the shower this morning... I pushed the door open, and asked, "Who is that supposed to be, Cher?" She replied, "Yeah, do you like it?" I said, "It's okay, Can you do a Whitney?" "I'll give it a go.." She said smiling. I said, "Nice one, I'll run you a bath."

My girlfriend wanted a dick pic. So I sent her a picture of Adolf Hitler

The wife and I used to go camping a lot in our tatty van until someone wrote it off in a road accident. I miss the old thing. Still, the wife would be delighted to know I still adventure out in the van at weekends.

I'm not saying the wife's thick but her favourite website's X. Because it's the only one she can spell.

The car salesman asked if I wanted parking sensors and a reversing camera. I said the car was for me, not the wife.