Sickipedia

Katie Hopkins has just turned 45. Which makes her 45 in dog years.

Now that I'm in my forties, I have to face the fact that sixteen-year-old girls just don't want to have sex with me. For me it's just like being sixteen again.

Camilla stricken with coronavirus. Just what we need, a fucking equine variant!

James Caan was in my two favourite movies; The Godfather and Honeymoon in Vegas with Sarah Jessica Parker. One, a film where a man wakes up in bed and sees a horse's head lying next to him, and the other a mafia drama.

Arranging to meet my blind date this weekend, I described myself and then asked how I might recognise her. "You can't miss me," she replied. "I'll be wearing a poppy."

My girlfriend asked me if I want to get married someday. I said "Of course, once I meet the right woman."

Serena has a Semi today. She’s hoping it goes down before her match starts.

Nicola Sturgeon has banned the sale of alcohol in Scottish pubs for 16 days. Bit of an own goal there Nic, how are you supposed to get a shag now?

I'm not saying I'm an ugly cunt or anything, but even Ethiopian girls refuse a dinner date with me.

I remember when I picked up this piece at the village hall discotheque, took her for a walk in the woods afterwards. I'm not saying she was ugly but it didn't take her long to find truffles!