Sickipedia

Last Christmas, my wife asked me for a pair of those noise-cancelling headphones. I got her a cheap set from China, so I was a bit sceptical about whether or not they'd work. They did! First time she tried them on she got electrocuted.

I told my wife I can't do the dishes anyhow because it's illegal for men to compete in women's sports.

I used to have difficulties with premature ejaculation. It's much better now because every time I'm having sex with my girlfriend, I think about my wife

Christmas cake is basically the same as wedding cake, but without all the fucking misery.

I found myself a traditional wife. Leaving a man, taking his money and alienating his children is now the tradition.

What's the cure for marriage? Answer: Alcoholism...

Jeff Bezos has got penis cancer. Or as the press calls it, 'married'.

I said that marriage "feels pretty damn great." To which every married guy replied, "Stop", it’s been four days. Give it time."

We were at the Marriage counsellors and my wife was asked "what is her biggest fear" "That I will die old and alone, with nothing accomplished in my life, that my children won't love me, that Jim might leave me..." The counsellor then turned to me and asked me what is my biggest fear. "Uh... Bears."

The marriage counselor said to me she came to conclude to agree with what my wife was saying, the complaints about my tiny cock and being horrifically bad in bed... As she was frustratingly wiping off her inner thigh...