Sickipedia

The wife and I had our "Couples Monopoly Night" on Saturday, and as usual our passive-aggressive sniping quickly blew up into an all-out war. I said to my wife, "For your piece why don't you be the steam-iron... it suits you as you're so doddering and matronly and always pressing my shirts !"... and then I said, "I'll be the race car, as I'm always the race car." My wife replied, "Darling, you should really be the thimble, as that's the exact size of the pathetic little nubber you call your micropenis."

The wife and I used to like a night in the pub and enjoyed an active sex life. Then we met each other and got married.

If you had to choose between a wonderful wife or a wonderful car . Would you choose a petrol or a diesel engine?

"Why do you want my daughter's hand in marriage? asked her father. "Because I'm tired of using my own," I replied.

I've been watching a lot of "reality" porn lately. You know, where the couple go to bed but never have sex.

My wife speaks four languages: English, eye-rolls, door slams, and sighs.

I was feeling horny and needed some relief. I asked my fat wife for sex and she said "No." You have no idea what a relief that was.

My wife and I have had an open marriage for 10 years now. It's probably time I told her.

My wife left me because she couldn't put up with my depression. Which cheered me right up.

Nearly one million adults in the UK are in a same-sex marriage. That’s compared to the almost 40 million adults in a no-sex marriage...