Sickipedia

I poked my head over my sexy neighbours fence earlier to see her sun bathing in her bikini. "You're gorgeous!" I said with a wink, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why, because I've taken your breathe away?" She asked, winking back. "No," I replied. "Because I've just ran your son over out front."

As I have the day off from work today, I decided to Google "Gary Haggarty" and see what all the fuss is. To try and understand the psyche behind the guy on this site who is so obsessed with him that its clearly sexual. To sum up the results of my investigation, I leave you with this brief summary: I've taken shits that were more interesting.

These fucking motor bikers really think they can do anything! I thought to my self, as I rammed one off the road

Statistically if you get hit by another car these days, you are more likely to die or be seriously injured and the damage to your vehicle much greater. This is maily because of the fashion for big stupid ridiculous 3 ton cars . And that most of them are driven by women and cunts that don't know how to drive . P.s how do you know when you've passed an elephant ? You can't get the bog seat down .

speeding copper killed on unmarked bike riding without due care and attention and ignoring speed and road warning signs in Berkshire while killing an innocent passenger in a car. No charges will be brought. In other news: - cyclist imprisoned while doing 10 mph with dangerous cycling. - driver sentenced to 500 years ban and 50 years in prison after having a wine gum - man sentenced to death after found smoking in a pub - 1,400,000 speed tickets issued in 2017 - 12,500,000 parking tickets issued - 150,000 burglaries a month - nil burglars or thefts solved. good policing constable ello ello ello -

I saved loads of money on my car insurance today. I fucked off from the scene of the accident.

“Pissed up Manc boy racer ploughs into pedestrians” obviously not newsworthy as it’s disappeared off the headlines quicker than Pogba at an away match. Terrorism ruled out. Sickipedians devastated. “Who am I supposed to vent all my built-up vitriol at now?” Dylan, Claret, Gregg et al was quoted as saying, as he stared adoringly at his photo of Tommy Robinson to calm himself.

A lollipop lady cleaned the snow off my windscreen this morning. Although, I think the impact helped her a bit.

20 years on, and I can still remember exactly where I was when I heard Princess Diana had died. I was at the all-night panel beaters in Paris getting my Fiat Uno fixed.

Just watching Police Interceptors on TV. Or "Drive at 140mph, smash into police cars while pissed without insurance with £90,000 worth of cocaine in the boot and all charges were dropped" as I like to call it.