Sickipedia

I noticed that the killer crocodile had an 80s dude on his shirt pocket!

What do you call a duck without a bill? A responsible and up to date payer of financial demands.

What's a cat's favourite breakfast cereal. Mice.icles .... Credit mrs weaverdog .

Duck walks into a shop and says "got any bread?" The shopkeeper replies certainly this is a bakery after all what type of bread would you like" The duck says "I've well fucked this joke up haven't I ?".

What is gay bastard supergrass's favourite sexual position? Doggie

Last night I watched an episode of the BBC's new nature programme 7 worlds 1 planet . A lot was made of global warming and how the more frequent powerful storms were affecting wildlife in the southern oceans. We saw the awful plight of a helpless albatross chick blown from it's nest and now apparently invisible to it's parent, that will only feed the chick if it is on the nest. The poor bird struggled to get back on, as its intransigent parent stood looking into space not giving a fuck. Only when the chick had used it's last reserve of energy and hauled itself exhausted onto the raised nest did the parent become aware of it's existence. David Attenborough said that due to these storms albatross numbers had gone down by half in the last few years .. For fuck sake it's called natural selection mate. If albatrosses are too stupid to see their own bastard chicks in front of their beaks and learn to start building nests in more sheltered and less exposed spots then they will go extinct .... just like working class labour voters .

My little twelve year old son was beside himself when Richard Hammond his pet hamster died in a tragic scalextric accident . My mate suggested he contact other bereaved hamster owners on-line, a problem shared so to speak . Think he said the site was called Xhamster.Com . Anyway my lad seems a lot happier and very keen to get up to his room to study all the time now .

As I walked out my front door I saw a gang of people running past, so I joined them. I said to one fella “what are we running for?” “There’s a lion escaped from the zoo” “”What fuckin way is it going?” I said “Well you don’t think we’re fuckin chasing it do you?” The later, greater nigger hater , Mr. Bernard Manning.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit, "You ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

In response to a recent meme by Weaverdog entitled ‘All Cats are Bastards’ I made a few comments and was asked to post them as a joke. So here goes This cat has spent years watching you, not doubt it has even peeked into the bathroom or toilet. You know all those charts in the butchers shops showing the various cuts of meat on a cow (why is it never a bull ?), well, your cat has an identical chart of you burned into it’s brain. It knows which bits of you need to be eaten straight away. It has watched you scratch your bollocks so it now it knows how to get at your (now his/her) meat and two veg whilst you lie dead on the floor fully dressed. When it licks you it is verifying your salt content. If the cat is sitting on your lap purring and pawing you, it is checking the resilience of your flesh for fat content, it does the same when it leaps off the wardrobe onto your stomach while you sleep. Cats often sleep on your chest at night, they want to be the first to know when you stop breathing. A cat will sniff your nose as you exhale...it’s looking for signs of illness which might render you inedible. Cats do, however make wonderful pets.