Sickipedia

I bought a kitchen knife. It said on the packaging, "Keep out of reach of children and niggers."

Little Elsie was a shy girl, but as she continued to practice she began to notice a newfound kind of magic in her dancing performed by but herself alone. Then a crazed black Welsh choirboy ran in with a machete...

I was leading a kids' dance class. Imagine the horror of all of us when a crazed black youth rushed in and started stabbing everyone. He was singing: "Holl amrantau'r sêr ddywedant Ar hyd y nos..."

Thomas the Tank Engine was chugging along one fine day when he heard commotion in the carriages he was pulling. And he thought, "Fucking niggers."

I'm travelling first class on a train in London. The first class section is separated by a steel door and two guys with stab vests and metal detectors.

I'm working hard to put an end to Modern Slavery. Let's bring back the good old-fashioned type with chains, sticks and hobbling.

What kind of shampoo did Ned Kelly use? Head and Shoulders

In Norse mythology, Thor also used his hammer Mjolnir to bless weddings. I continued this Aryan tradition and struck my daughter's coloured boyfriend in the back of the head with a tackhammer.

We all have our vices, for example English men like to drink lager whereas Pakistani men like to fuck kids. And then the drunk English men put the Pakis' balls in a vice and extract their confessions.