Sickipedia

Just watching Wimbledon..how times have changed. When I was a kid I remember martina navratilova failing a drugs test because she couldn't get her cock in the bottle

My wife celebrated her 50th recently and the few friends she has threw her a surprise party where she wore a crown for the duration as she was "Queen for a Day." I got her some purple boxing gloves so she could complete the look as King Hippo from Mike Tyson's Punch-out.

A Bill Gates-funded research team has developed an injection that provides years of effective birth control from a single shot. Just one dose, and you start to look like Bill Gates.

Charli XCX is winning lots of awards at the moment. Shame her face is no prize.

Beauty might be skin deep , but I'll take Ugly once I've had a skinful.

Ulrika Jonsson - from weather girl to weathered corpse. Get a facelift you fucking Indiana Jones special effect!

Was having a browse through Tinder last night at my mate's house. Found a profile of one pretty lass who wore glasses. I said, 'Hell no! She'd have to take those specs off first.' 'What, you're not into girls with glasses?' 'It's not that. If she didn't take them off she'd get a proper look at me and I'd have no chance.'

"If we want another baby, we'll have to be looking at In-Vitro, a test tube clinic," I said to the doctor. "Sir, your wife is perfectly capable of conceiving a child with regular intercourse." I looked at the ugly bitch and said, "Uh, no, I'd prefer to do it the way I said."

The picture I carried of my wife was the only thing that got me through my time in prison. This huge black guy was coming at me with a raging throbber, so I whipped it out and showed it to him and instantly killed his 16 inch hard-on.

My workshy gay son doesn't think he can "handle a job"... I told the little faggot he should go in and try and be a cosmetologist for old fat women.... "Look, for them what you might do doesn't even matter... like your mother, she might as well just go in there every time and say 'Give me the Dame Edna !' ."