Sickipedia

Watching the Queen's funeral is a lot like wanking to Cheryl Cole. A lot better if you mute it and play some decent music instead.

Liam Payne leaves Cheryl Cole for good and heads back to his mums. He has a broken heart and doesn't know how to fix it.."I can help" says his sister who is holding a balloon. She says "Put this balloon to your mouth and breathe in and you will feel better". "I don't get it" says Liam "What is in this balloon that can help me?" His sister replies "It's heal-Liam".

Shout out to TeleTwanger for giving me the idea. If Cheryl Cole had her baby with her first husband, the baby would have been as black as Cole.

Ange Postecoglou is the new Tottenham Hotspur manager. The changes he plans to bring to Spurs include: More attacking & attractive style of play High forward press Souvlaki after every training session

Cheryl Cole has split from Liam. He kept going on about fucking her in the roses so was probably just a Payne in the arse.

Had a hospital appointment yesterday and while I was in the waiting room I read a copy of OK Magazine. Apparently Cheryl Tweedy from Girls Aloud has just married Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole.

If Liam Payne's passing has taught us anything, it's that even if Cheryl Cole lets you nut inside her a few times, when the post-nut clarity kicks in you'll still do absolutely anything to get away from her shit, godawful personality & music..

The news coverage of Liam Payne’s death is unending. Now it seems that the four remaining band members will watch vigil, stationed at each corner of his coffin, whilst tens of thousands of the public will solemnly file by to pay their respects. FFS.

Don't think much of Liam Paynes portrayal of Icarus. He represents the dangers of over ambition and hubris. It warns against overreaching and ignoring limitations, as excessive confidence can lead to downfall, just as Icarus fell when he flew too close to the sun,.or in his case the fucking pavement

Looks like one direction fans hopes of seeing them live have just gone out of the window.