Sickipedia

William hill to close 700 betting shops.... What were the odds on that happening?

I have this OCD trait where I have to quickly unlock and lock the doors at least 3 times so I feel comfortable they really are locked... You may not think it sounds that bad...but I'm a fucking prison warden.

Went round to see my mate "olympic flame steve" last night . He has agoraphobia and never goes out .

1, 2, Buckle my shoe. 3, 4, Knock at the door. 5, 6, Take my OCD medication.

I hate smart alec contestants on eggheads that say "well it's not .A Because ....it's not C. Because ......so the answer is B.because". If I was jeremy vine I'd say sorry I have to take your first answer I asked you what the fucking answer was, not what it wasn't.

Being a northerner I do love a bit of the old black pudding. A few weeks ago I ended up having more than few slices on my full English . The next day as I stood up to flush after launching a U-boat, I noticed the water was all red and bloody. I had a few minutes of panic and worry then it dawned on me as to the cause, and I started to laugh with relief. I'd forgotten I had been bummed senseless the night before by big gay Ron .

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry He has selfie steam issues.

The removal man cleared my house but left one boxed game on my living room floor. He said "I'm sorry I have a terrible addiction to board games and have been in recovery for 5 years" I said "just put this world domination strategy game in your van and we are done" He replied "I'm sorry I just can't take the Risk"

Due to the activities of the resident dickhead all post comments have been locked. Delete his ramblings yourself if you wish .

Top tip Look a total cunt by measuring your steps on a fitbit and walking around swinging your arms like Liam fuckin Gallagher.