Sickipedia

I almost found a fiver on the street this morning. I was £4.99 short.

Getting the vaccination is not always such a pleasant experience. I waited patiently & the medic breezed in saying "Now then sir, just a small prick!" I said "Yeah well you've got saggy jugs & a fat arse!". . . Cheeky sods.

Just bought one of those infrared thermometers and have been testing it thoroughly. We’re all fine but the radiator is really sick

Nice to see international women’s day falling on a Sunday. Gives them a chance to celebrate and make a proper dinner later

CNN: " Werner G. Doehner , the last survivor of the Hindenburg disaster , has died aged 90." What's the odds they'll play Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin at his funeral?

Apparently Sinead O'ConnoR is to re-record her famous hit record.....Nothing Comapres 2UXB

Just had a man knock on the door, asking me to sign the organ donor register. I thought, 'there's a man after my own heart'."

Well that a was a week we'll not fuckin forget in a hurry, agreed Solomon Grundys mum and dad.

Judas: "Hey, Jesus! I've reserved a table for 13 for tonight's la... supper. But we all have to sit on the same side"

A bloke goes for the job of cook on a ship. The geezer who is interviewing asks "Can you fry eggs". "Can I fry fucking eggs! I"ve worked in some of the top hotels in England" replies the bloke... "Give me half a dozen." So he"s given six eggs which he starts to juggle with. After a minute of brilliant juggling, he throws the eggs one-by-one over his shoulder towards the frying pan which is behind him. Each egg hits the side of the pan, cracks open and the shell falls into the bin below and the eggs slide unbroken into the frying pan. "That"s amazing," says the interviewer "but it must have been a fluke." "A fluke! Give me a dozen" says the bloke. He then proceeds to do even more elaborate juggling and repeat the finale so there"s now eighteen unbroken eggs sizzling in the frying pan. "Well then do I get the job" "No, you fuck about too much!!"