Sickipedia

I missed the World Hairdressing Championships on TV last night. Does anyone know if they’re showing highlights?

Wat iz pink an rustee. .? My mumz massif fakin carst ion dildo coz itz fookin hooge innit

More Bond remakes. Coonraker. Chicken Royale. From Russia With Drugs You Only Steal Twice The Spy Who Robbed Me Octowhitebitchpussy A Veiw From A Cell Drive By Another Day Spooktre.

True story: I've just seen a white bloke walk up the street with two mixed race kids, they looked happy as fuck. It was like watching a fucking TV commercial.

I saw something so rare today that nobody will believe me.... A T.V advert without a fucking nigger on it!

"Mwahahahahaha.... ..BAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... .HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." Credit: Joaquin Phoenix/the Joker

The Lorraine Kelly interviews: 3 Jon Warboys. Ooooooooooh Jon lovely to meet you. How many women did you rape again? You're looking great. Do you moisturise? Now then, the one question I've been dyin tae ask ya is how difficult is it to pass the knowledge? I tell ye I'd be hopeless at it, I get lost driving through Motherwell. Now, you may not remember but you actually picked me up once in Greenwich. Yer did nee offer me any champagne and tell me you'd had a big win at the casino. When I realised who you were I was actually quite offended. Still, I went on a diet and lots loads of weight so I've got you tae thank for that. Whats your thoughts on Uber? Those black taxi's can turn around in a tight circle can't they? Sorry to hear about the parole board reversing their decision. You must be gutted. What's your favourite colour? Thanks for coming on the show Jon. What a lovely man.

That box ticking spastic Rosie Jones said something funny the other day.... Shame I couldn't fucking understand her!!

In the Visa tv commercial that’s asking us to support our high street stores, why is there a hairdresser in it? I don’t know anyone that gets their haircut online???

Greg James and Nick Grimshaw from Radio 1 play hide and seek for 25 hours and the listeners have to crack clues to find them....... Now this might make me sound old but...... what the fuck??? Radio 1 used to find brilliant new bands, not cunts in their 30’s thinking they’re alternative or, God help us, wacky. I despair......