Sickipedia

OLD TRAFFORD DONKEY SANCTUARY (Est. 2013.) From as little as £750 a year, you too can sponsor a helpless donkey. Like HARRY bought from Leicester for £80m, where his cruel Thai owners were forcing him to perform as a 'footballer' for as much as 90 minutes in the blazing sun, in front of a baying crowd. Or CRISTIANO, brought here at enormous expense because no one else wanted him. No one knows exactly how old Cristiano is, but he's certainly a veteran as he can scarcely move and is useless for any work. His food, vet bills and treats cost us over 500k a week. Or perhaps little LUKE or 'Fatty' as he is known to his fans. Luke has had such traumas that he's a compulsive eater, and often eats as many as 10 large sacks of carrots a day. Of course, you don't need to choose Harry, Cristiano or Luke. We have more than a dozen other donkeys some of them tragic cases. For example PHIL. Little Phil would have been put down anywhere else, as his vet bills are huge and he is rarely able to do any work. However, here at Old Trafford he is safe and can enjoy retirement with his friends. We are open on alternate weekends and many Thursday nights. Why don't you come down and enjoy the sight of our donkeys running aimlessly about our large field in Trafford, near Manchester? We have several cafes and a big shop where you can buy an expansive range of donkey memorabilia. Remember, every penny goes towards the upkeep of our donkeys and enables us to bring in more hapless donkeys from around the world to our safe retirement home. (Old Trafford Donkey Sanctuary, Registered Charity 16161616.) Patron: Mr J. Glazer. Temporary Donkey Superintendent Mr E. ten Hag. Donkey Superintendent Emeritus, Sir Alex Ferguson. Corporate Sponsors: FA Premier League, PGMOL, BBC, Daily Mail, Guardian, Mr Kok's Crispy Noodle Stall (Bangkok).