Sickipedia

Pauline Quirke looked less tubby when I saw her recent pic. Maybe having dementia has made her forget to eat for several years.

My large wife passed her BGT audition singing to selections from "Oliver". Aliesha Dixon said, "We've never seen anyone singing with such passion to 'Food Glorious Food'."

So,that nauseous, shouty Jew Davina McCall has cancer. There might be a god after all.....!!

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My wife looked in the mirror and said, "I'm getting fat," so she said, "I'm going to start going to that Planet Fitness."...... "Great, there you'll be the Planet."

My wife called up Dominoes to order the "Big Dinner Box" - Two large pizzas, 20 wings, eight breadsticks, two pasta bowls, and two diet cokes..... then she turned to me and growled, "Darling, is there anything that you want ?"

Poor old jackbuntis. He's given a terrible half a dozen accounts of himself

After that brave 100+ veteran said what he said correctly, that it wasn't worth it for what it is today, Queer Starmer was approached about if any "special action" needs to be taken, like with Diana. "No, just let time quickly run its course on this one."

My daughter's back on the anorexia ward after spending the weekend staring at her food. Fat load of good that did her.

If you do down to the woods today, be sure of a big surprise. If you go down to the woods today, you better close your eyes. Cos Risco's conkers deep in a dog, and Jackbumtits is wanking along, and Dogsbody is rimming with glee on a pooooodle...