Sickipedia

Travellin' home for Christmas....... .....aye, in a fuckin' box ya miserable cunt.

Good deeds count, so this Christmas I'm burning down a mosque.

Idris Alba to be knighted after campaigning against knife crime. Wait until he sees what he gets knighted with.

It's getting so cold, the flashers in town are handing out written descriptions.

A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticide. He holds up a box and asks the store manager, “Is this stuff good for beetles?” The manager replies, “No, it’ll kill ’em.”

Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mummy said it was nothing." "Your mother's spoilt, Son!"

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

One of the world's best wingsuit pilots has been killed after he dived off Table Mountain and slammed into rocks 1000 feet below at 120mph. So, not really one of the world's best.

Should be some fight for Greenland , Americans on one side , Eskimos on the other... ...and in the middle , Snowman's land !

Rare flat-headed cat spotted in Thailand for the first time in 29 years. Big deal. There's one of those on the kerbside down the end of my street.