Sickipedia

Black Friday: 50% off all slaves

Greta Thunberg says birds are flying out of the country in huge numbers because of air pollution from cars. One flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Before we split up, my ex asked: For one last time, will you indulge my leather fetishism?. I said No!. I can't be suede.

Swiss lawmakers have urged prosecutors to assess whether gold gifts received by Donald Trump broke the country’s anti-bribery laws. Just as well they're only plastic fixtures from Home Depot sprayed with gold paint, then.

Sky News: Man jailed for keeping eight people enslaved in London car wash. The only surprise here is how clean these people probably are now!

Thinking of converting to Islam .. I mean sure it'll suck having to pray 5 times a day.. but lets look at the positives. Get to smack about the wife and kids Get to sleep around Get to pop out dozens of kids Don't need work for a living Can really let myself go without caring Get a free pass for almost any crime i commit AND 99% less likely to die in a terrorist attack ( unless ot me doing it) Think the pros are starting to outweigh the cons here.

I had a blind date last night. "What do you hate most about your body?" I asked. "My legs." She replied, "What about you?" I said, "Your face."

Following this year's Budget, I am now officially leaving the country. Good luck, everyone. Yours, Sgt Pete Kerr, The Royal Yorkshire Regiment