Sickipedia

I didnt realise there were so many Geordies living in Japan. My mate is over there now and he says everyone is running around shouting Toon Army

KFC? I didn't even know Kentucky had a football team.

My mate got a job in the circus but quit on his first day. He said his boss was a clown.

Im shit at telling jokes. I keep on punching up the fucklines.

My mate got a 6 year sentence for getting mixed up with paedophilia, and now that he's out of jail I'm his only mate. It's the least I could do. It was my laptop he was fixing.

When i was in Tescos earlier I stuck 2 quarter pounders down the back of my jeans when no-one was looking. A security guard approached me as i tried to leave, so I said 'Here mate you cant search me'. Why not? he said. I said because I have Assburgers

My mate Jim says Im a skitso. Which is wierd because I dont have any mates called Jim.

Wasp. All your Christmases have come at once kid. Waspipedia. Theres no stopping you now kid. I bet youre eyeing up a Stand Up spot at The Royal Variety Performance.

What do you get if you cross a Rhino with an Elephant? I dont know but its not relevant.

The doctors have just told a slut in my street that if she swallows any more jizz she'll die. My mate says shes taking it on the chin.