Sickipedia

My wife thought it would be fun to "role play from anyone in history" in the bedroom. "Great, you be Leon Trotsky," I said, just before I took an ice pick to the back of her fat fucking head.

In "Diversity Training" I ripped apart the gay fucking agenda. My colleagues laughed and said, "We have thought for years that you are gay." All that certainly took an unexpected turn when I then spent hours explaining that the big fat walrus-looking thing with a moustache that I am married to is in-fact a woman.

My daughter wanted me to watch this thing where the American phony working-class comedian Bill Burr called Elon Musk a Nazi, saying "this will finally turn me on Trump," and that "Bill Burr is a Man's Man." "Bill Burr is only a 'Man's Man,' in the sense that other men use him to jizz in his anus."

I got pulled over by a midde-aged female police officer the other day. I spent 30 minutes trying to guess what infraction I had committed.

An American boy is sitting in a school library assiduously studying Hebrew when he starts getting mocked by his peers. When they ask why he needs to do this, he responds, "When I go to Heaven, I can speak with Moses and Abraham in their own language." "What if you's goes to Hell ?" "I already talk American."

My gay son finally got told he's too old to be an altar boy, but he can start training for the priesthood. "Ooooh no thank you, I'm only suited to being on the receiving end."

I had a Japanese once tell me that "Sumo is his country's national sport" You should have seen the look of horror on his face when I told him the Americans are starting to get into the game.

On one of the innumerable times I had to shuttle my obese wife to the hospital, I told the doctor that my wife lives a sedimentary lifestyle. "Don't you mean sedentary?", he said with condescension ? "No, every time she gets up from parking her fat arse on the sofa, there's an odd and completely unexplainable deposit of sand that's lying there."

My new Asian mail-order bride just got here and is about 3 days out of the crate from Vietnam, and already she's complaining about my "absurdly tiny penis." "It's not like you aren't fucking used to it, where you're from," I said, as I carried on violently thrusting.

For several days in a row now the gay lad told me he had to be up early to be at his job at the construction site. "That's great you've finally got something going on," I said, "What are you doing there ?" "All the brickies regularly jizz into my anus, so they can get relief and better focus on their work."