Sickipedia

Remember to start your last wank of the year at 23:59 and 50 seconds. That way when you cum you can pretend the fireworks and people celebrating are for you.

People of Turkey. Save money on burials by just leaving people buried where they are.

My boyfriend just proposed to me. I accepted but only if I get a nice big ring. He's invited Leroy around to help us celebrate.

I was walking down Canal Street in Manchester. Good to see so many places supporting the NHS.

To all those worried about running out of toilet paper. Search your cupboards for your GCSE certificates and Record of Achievements from school. Put them to some actual use.

I see the scousers blended in with the locals today and got a good bumming in Brighton.

I see there's been a lot of shots on target in Liverpool lately. Even the football clubs have been scoring.

I needed some information about Laurence Fox so looked him up on Google. To avoide embarrassment in case anyone looked at my computer afterwards I deleted my history but now can't remember what porn I've watched.

Michael Lee Aday is no longer to be known as Meat Loaf. He will now be referred to as Brown Bread

I'm going to open a back street sex change clinic and use only two tools. A hammer to knock them out and an axe for everything else. I'm going to call it Smash and Gash