Sickipedia

My friends all say I can’t talk about anything without bringing it back to sex. The other day we were talking about Doppelgängers, and how you’ll likely never ever get to see yours. I told them that’s bullshit, because I’ve seen my Auntie’s. TITS

My friend showed me a special device with one single magic button, that could FINALLY take away my agonising and life ruining obsession with sex So I tapped it

My mate Gerald reckons I’m obsessed with the female anatomy, and that I put no effort into my argument when I’m questioned about it Twat

My weightlifting mate recently told me that he managed to hit a 100KG snatch I’ve been out with some overweight women, but shit, he likes ‘em BIG!

I got the wrong end of the stick when my 67 year old neighbour Margaret said she ‘needed some sugar in a hurry’ Turns out all she wanted was a cup of sugar

My mate Trevor managed to stay underwater for 45 minutes Once

My wife said she didn't fancy Pizza Hut followed by Clockwork Orange at the cinema because I'm 'obsessed with replicating the dialogue from the film.' Not true at all. I reckon she must have had a pain in the gulliver

When I first started learning to tattoo, I decided to tattoo myself first. Nothing extravagant to begin with, I just did a little number two. I couldn’t help it, I was nervous and it really hurt.

I was about to lose my load, when all of a sudden my wife yelled, “Pull out! NOW!” Not like her to encourage dangerous driving, but luckily I’d already looked left and right

My Dad reckons that people with body modifications are mentally ill, crying out for help, but never truly want to listen Something like that anyway. Those tattoo guns are fucking LOUD