Sickipedia

My mate Trevor managed to stay underwater for 45 minutes Once

OJ Simpson’s wife packed an overnight case to go stay in a hotel near the coroners office to see him one last time Ironically she packed too much stuff and her gloves didn’t fit

On Christmas Day, my Dad took me to one side and said, ‘it’s great to see you Son, but don’t you think we should talk about the elephant in the room?’ I said, ‘Dad, her name is Sarah, we’ve been together for 4 months and it’d be great if you didn’t mention her weight again.’

'Raoul Moat devoured my kitten!' - The Sun The reporter who missed the 'ate my pussy' headline has cleared his desk and is no longer working for us

My kids and pets mean the World to me. I've had portraits inked on me of my kids for years, and after years of pondering, I FINALLY got my dog tattooed today. I was surprised they agreed to do it, but some people just don’t give a shit about animal cruelty

My girlfriend said she’s gonna leave me due to my obsession with commenting on the weather. Mind you, she’s pretty jealous and a bit mean, so every cloud

My Mum told me that she doesn’t appreciate me plastering my bedroom walls with posters of the Backstreet Boys. But I want it that way.

A mate of mine has a t-shirt with ‘FBI’ on it, standing for ‘Female Body Inspector.’ People treat him like a clown because of it, but the joke’s on them - He works in a morgue.

My mate doesn’t think I can write a decent one liner. I bet I Can. No problem at all.

We all need someone to talk to, confide in, be open with and dare I say it, talk to about our deepest darkest desires and fantasies But truth be told, I think the Samaritans are getting a bit sick of me now