Sickipedia

My wife has been furious with me ever since I told her that my plans to book us a second honeymoon fell through. It’s not like I ASKED the jockey to fall off the horse

We all need someone to talk to, confide in, be open with and dare I say it, talk to about our deepest darkest desires and fantasies But truth be told, I think the Samaritans are getting a bit sick of me now

A mate of mine has a t-shirt with ‘FBI’ on it, standing for ‘Female Body Inspector.’ People treat him like a clown because of it, but the joke’s on them - He works in a morgue.

‘Man who cut wife’s body into 200 pieces jailed’. I wonder if he used a jigsaw?

On Christmas Day, my Dad took me to one side and said, ‘it’s great to see you Son, but don’t you think we should talk about the elephant in the room?’ I said, ‘Dad, her name is Sarah, we’ve been together for 4 months and it’d be great if you didn’t mention her weight again.’

OJ Simpson’s wife packed an overnight case to go stay in a hotel near the coroners office to see him one last time Ironically she packed too much stuff and her gloves didn’t fit

I recently read that when performing oral on a woman, you should write the alphabet on her clit It was going pretty well until my felt tip ran out

My Wife says my poor understanding of how to use comebacks is embarrassing The joke’s on her - I don’t even LIKE people in wheelchairs!

My girlfriend said she’s gonna leave me due to my obsession with commenting on the weather. Mind you, she’s pretty jealous and a bit mean, so every cloud

My mate doesn’t think I can write a decent one liner. I bet I Can. No problem at all.