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My wife's a florist but her business isn't doing well. So I ran a five year old kid over outside her shop.
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Dear right wing protesters, may I suggest you stick solely to the cross of St George not the union Jack, as nobody notices when you've got it upside down.
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Study shows wankng 21 times a month can reduce the risk of prostate cancer. That's all very well but I've got 15 to go and this school bus won't drive itself.
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🎶'It's nine o'clock on a Saturday The regular crowd shuffles in There's an old man sitting next to me Making love to his tonic and gin" 🎶 Make sure you give that glass a good wash then
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Black history month. Outside of Africa, fucking pointless
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My local undertaker has a new promotion on. He lets you lie on a coffin to see how suitable it will be. He calls it "try before you die."
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Jilly Coopers last ride.
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I got seen by my doctor yesterday. He said that if he catches me peering through his windows again, he'd call the police. And to call the surgery if I want an appointment.
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Modern slavery. So much better than that old fashioned slavery. Fuck that.
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Hetty Wainthropp no longer investigates
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