Sickipedia

According to the BBC, 7% of all relationships are inter-racial. As compared to TV commercials, where the figure is about 99.8.

Bono says he doesn't like U2's name, his voice and most of the songs he sings. Congratulations you patronising paddy twat, you've only taken over 40 years to catch up with the rest of us.

I got fired from my factory job packing alarm clocks. At the Job Centre, I was asked, "What kind of things did you work with?" I replied, "Ticking boxes." I start work in the BBC Drama department on Monday.

Just been listening to Ghislaine Maxwell's favourite band. Scouting For Girls.

When you're out celebrating tonight, spare a thought for the Irish, Scottish and Welsh. Then order another pint and have a fucking good laugh at their expense.

Still can't believe the Canadian "non-binary" person who wants surgery to have a penis and a vagina. If I wanted to see a dick and a cunt in the same place I'd watch Saturday night takeaway.

Sidney Poitier dies at the age of 94. Guess who's not coming to dinner.

Hot big-titted blonde Baroness Mone has been accused of racism. Sounds like a win-win for my afternoon wank.

So glad that Cleo Smith is safe and well after being in a locked house for 4 weeks. Prince Andrew says he was at Pizza Hut all the time.

I was inspired by the story of the Israeli boy who broke a vase in a museum: instead of punishing him, the museum invited him back for a luxury tour. In tribute to their generous spirit, I popped the cherry of the 14 year old next door and eagerly await the dinner invitation, house tour and their offer of a hard shag with her younger sister.