Sickipedia

Played the new ‘Monopoly - NHS Edition ‘ at Christmas. The game abruptly ends in bankruptcy when someone lands on Chance, and gets the card that says, ‘Each player must pay hospital car parking charges.’

Whenever something bad happens in the world, we are urged to offer our thoughts and prayers. The irony is that people who think, seldom pray. And people who pray, seldom think.

A Midlands doctor recommends you take three actions before bothering your GP: 1) Sort yourself out. 2) See a pharmacist. 3) Get advice from a reliable online source, like Dignitas, the Samaritans, or the Co-op Funeral Parlour.

UK EDUCATION SYSTEM - HOW IT WORKS: Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach teachers. Those who can’t teach teachers, become school inspectors.

On what planet can a dinner with 140 hostesses in attendance be classified as a 'men only' event???

Convictions for incest have reached a new low. I thought I might up the ante...

The Duke of Cambridge spoke frankly today about mental health issues. ’In my case, I blame centuries of inbreeding.'

On being informed of the devastating effects the KFC crisis is having among her subjects, Queen Elizabeth said: “Let them eat cack.”

The first ever ‘Red Weather Alert’ has been issued for central Scotland. Between 3pm today and 10am tomorrow, there is a real danger to life... ...especially if my wife discovers I wasn’t stuck in my car overnight, and finds out where I really was.

The Red Cross is supplying beds to stranded passengers at Glasgow Airport tonight. One female holidaymaker said, "I'm happy to haggle for a bed from a charity relief worker, as I always like to start my holiday with a decent shag "