Sickipedia

In the street I saw a white man and his black girlfriend for the first time ever , I was absolutely star struck , it was like watching a advert on tv !

My neighbour Mohammed once told me those who don’t believe in god need to be more open to faith . He never believed at first until he boarded a packed train with no seats , he closed his eyes and began to pray really loudly for a seat , when he opened his eyes the carriage was empty , he had a choice of seats and even a seat for his backpack!

I always thought Quinten Crisp was a horse in a race, as all I ever hear is that he’s coming up the rear ….

I was stood at the bar last night when the bloke next to me turned and said ‘ I shagged your mum’. After ignoring him a few minutes later he said it again but a little louder. Again ignoring him a few minutes pass and then he turns to me and shouts ‘ I SHAGGED YOUR MUM ‘ . At this point the whole pub goes quiet looking at us, so I turn to the man and say ‘ Go home Dad your drunk ‘

How do you regulate the speed of a sheep ? With every update slow the phones central processing unit (CPU) , until forced to buy the latest I Phone.

Three friends walk into Pontins an Englishman , Scottishman and a Ir ....... , well that jokes ruined now ....

Just a heads up guys, the saying ‘it’s better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission’ does not go down well in a rape defence case. See you in 10 years ...

My neighbour Muhammad never goes to the mosque , he doesn’t fast at Ramadan, he drinks , he smokes and eats bacon. Does this make him a Shiite Muslim ?

At least when my wife see’s my search history ‘BBC Porn’ I have a good excuse now …

Matt Hancock caught going down on his secretary, after consulting with his friend Dominic Cummings he claims he was only doing this to test his taste and smell ....